Friday, January 28, 2011

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

what is normal? [later re-named grab bag!]

Whatever our new normal is going to be – it sure would be nice if we could get a little taste of it sometime soon!  I feel like life has been in fast-forward since.. well.. I guess since February 16, 2010 when I learned I was pregnant again.  It’s been in super-extra-fast fast forward mode over the past 4 months – Gavin’s 4th birthday, Gage’s birth just a week later, Halloween, my brother entering the hospital for a month with some extremely serious medical complications, Thanksgiving, Gabby’s 1st birthday, me falling down the stairs and injuring my ankle, Christmas, Steven’s birthday, me returning to work full time, my Grammie passing away, my trip to Michigan, Steven busting the rim/tire on the van this morning in the snow.. I just want our lives to settle down for a bit, find a good schedule/routine for our kiddos, find a good schedule/routine for us as a couple, find a good routine for us as individuals as well. 

I feel like I’ve been such a ‘debbie downer’ lately with all that’s been going on.. and I think I may be suffering from some depression.. which is so hard for me to admit. (please don’t get me wrong, mental health is nothing to joke about, nor do I say ‘I hate to admit that’ because I feel ashamed of being depressed, it’s simply difficult for me because I have a degree in psychology – I am a counselor – I have several clients who suffer from depression that I counsel and ‘help’ but now I feel I am the one that needs the help) I don’t know if it may be some post-partum stuff or what but I just feel a little ‘off’ I guess.  Part of me feels it’s all because of the list of ‘stuff’ above and I just need to try and relax, try to get my life back to a normal pace, try to focus on getting healthy, getting back into shape, etc.  Another part of me knows how serious depression can be – and knows that if it’s not treated it can take a real ugly turn. (although I know the signs and I like to think I wouldn’t let it get to that point)  So with all that said I really need to try and focus on the blessings and the beauty in my life. 

Something beautiful – my faith has grown leaps and bounds the past few weeks!!  I have just thrown myself into His word, into my devotionals, into prayer and I have never in my life felt more connected, more loved, more understood than I have these past few weeks.  I am beyond thankful for my rock-solid faith because it is helping me through these feelings of depression and the sadness of loosing my Grammie.

Something beautiful – duh, my kiddos!! =)  Gabby is WALKING now!  She had been taking little steps here and there for over a month but just yesterday she let lose and is walking all over the place!  Gavin is becoming quiet the rowdy, smarty pants of the house but he has such a sweet sensitive side to him!  He said today after watching his baby sister walk, “Mom, she’s learning to walk.  Next she’ll be learning to go to college!”  Not yet Gav, please, we need to save some $ before that time comes!!  Gage is laughing and smiling and it’s one the cutest things I have ever seen!  It melts my heart when I see him laugh and smile at his siblings.  He was always meant to be part of our family.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. – Proverbs 16:9

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Something beautiful – I took a trip to Traverse City, Michigan (on Sunday & Monday) to help lay my Grammie’s body to rest.  I know her body was just her earthly home and she is beyond happy right now living eternally with Jesus but it was still very important to me to travel to Michigan so I could see that her earthly home was back home in Traverse City where it will remain.  (my decision to travel to Michigan was, from an emotional standpoint very easy, from a logical standpoint, not so easy and I cannot thank my husband enough for making me go! – that is a whole ‘nother post!)  It was nice to spend some time with my mom, aunt and brother Andy – even if we were there for, well, a very sad situation I guess you could say.  The burial itself did not go as planned – but I won’t cloud this beautiful memory with that – I just can’t.  I spent 2 days being incredibly angry and bitter about the whole situation/mix-up/miscommunication – probably the angriest I have been in years.  As my mom has said, (and if there is one thing I have learned over the years it’s this – my mother is always right!!) the burial is just a formality, Grammie is peaceful and content in Heaven, where she has been since she took her last breath early in the morning on January 9th.  I was able to see her casket there and see where she will be laid to rest. (not the burial any of us were hoping for but as we know, everything happens for a reason, and I just need to trust that’s how God wanted things to be)  Now – the 4 hour flight delay in Cleveland was not beautiful but I did get to spend some extra time with my brother.

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for some reason I cannot type under the photos, nor can I get them into a good  order, nor will they stay the size I have them set to – so, the first few are from my Grammie’s service, the next snowy ones are of Grand Traverse Bay in Traverse City.. growing up my Grammie lived across the street from the bay and would swim there all the time!  The next few is my Grammie’s burial site, she will be laid to rest next to her hubby and her parents.  The next few photos are from my flight to Grand Rapids; next few our yummy dinner at one of the restaurants we took my Grammie to when we traveled to Traverse City in the summer of 2004, and the last few are of the flight from Grand Rapids to Cleveland and our extended stay there.  I know that is a pain in the butt.. maybe next time I will be able to figure out how to get captions directly under or over the photos – and hopefully have them in the actual order of occurrence!

Something beautiful – special times with family.  Steven, the kids and I spent Saturday evening at Chris and Christy’s house.  (Chris is one Steven’s younger brothers and Christy is his wife.) His two other brothers were there, one with his wife and their two kiddos, the other with his girlfriend. Our aunt and uncle were there with their two kiddos and the one kiddos girlfriend. (maybe I shouldn’t say kiddo when I am talking about people in their twenties!)  And our good friends were also there – we’ve adopted them into the family so they’re stuck with us now – my kiddos call them aunt & uncle too! We had our Christmas/white elephant/game night and, as always, it was!!  I just adore all of these people and everything about them.  They are just genuine, fun, loving, silly, faithful people whom I adore being around.  I look forward to many more fun games nights with all of them!

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Okay, I’ve got to get some work done before my 3 beauties wake up. Yes, another ‘something beautiful’ – all my kiddos napping at the same time!!

  (man, after re-reading this it sure is a ‘grab bag’ of a post!)